I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
