doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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