dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
do nipples grow back?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
