Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
