Me too!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
