I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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