I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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