You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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