Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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