Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
