Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
