one two three fourrrrnication!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
