I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
