...so i touched it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
