"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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