Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
