just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize