I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize