Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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