its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
God I need to hump something, right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
