But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
