I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
