I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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