Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
