big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
