by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
