He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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