We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
