but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
