that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
