You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
