FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
