Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
