well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
