chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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