dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
