I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
