Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She said her name was "party"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
