I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
