if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My ass is underappreciated
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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