Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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