I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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