Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Houston, we have a squirter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
