your parents love me but you hate me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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