Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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