worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In other news, I just burned my penis
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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