I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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