i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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