I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
