Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
