dude i'm inner monologue high
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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