I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
