I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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