If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
