1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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