mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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