Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
