hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
