Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
