It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.