So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(