dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
