no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
