Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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