Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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