Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
