yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
