I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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