You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
