"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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