carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
