I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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