This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
