oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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