you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize