he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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